Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950’s. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead. - Chuck Palahniuk
If you could be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? - Chuck Palahniuk
The things you own end up owning you. - Chuck Palahniuk
Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it's your responsibility to love it, or change it. - Chuck Palahniuk
It's easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die. - Chuck Palahniuk
With a gun stuck in your mouth and the barrel of the gun between your teeth, you can only talk in vowels. - Chuck Palahniuk
The best way is not to fight it, just go. Don't be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger. - Chuck Palahniuk
People are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event. Now their lives are more about the past than their future. - Chuck Palahniuk
Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known. - Chuck Palahniuk
When you don't share your problems, you resent hearing the problems of other people. - Chuck Palahniuk
It's easy to attack and destroy an act of creation. It's a lot more difficult to perform one. - Chuck Palahniuk
Me with nothing left to lose, plotting my big revenge in the spotlight. Give me violent revenge fantasies as a coping mechanism. - Chuck Palahniuk
Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home... it's your responsibility to love it, or change it. - Chuck Palahniuk
When you understand that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be. - Chuck Palahniuk
Hysteria is only possible with an audience. - Chuck Palahniuk
We thought all this teaching was to make us smart. What it did was make us stupid. With all the little facts we learned, we never had the time to think. - Chuck Palahniuk
We just had a near-life experience! - Chuck Palahniuk
There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We’re just warming up. - Chuck Palahniuk
Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education. - Chuck Palahniuk
Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct. - Chuck Palahniuk
Like the he-man movie stars who turn out to be queer . . . or the silent-film actors whose voices sound terrible recorded--the audience only wants a limited amount of honesty. [ellipses original] - Chuck Palahniuk
Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer. - Chuck Palahniuk
I am the cause of all my upsets. I am my worst enemy. - Chuck Palahniuk
Parenthood is the opiate of the masses. - Chuck Palahniuk
When they were in school, Peter used to say that everything you do is a self-portrait. It might look like 'Saint George and the Dragon' or 'The Rape of the Sabine Women,' but the angle you use, the lighting, the composition, the technique, they're all you. You are every color and brushstroke. - Chuck Palahniuk
Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying? - Chuck Palahniuk
We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. - Chuck Palahniuk
Being tired isn't the same as being rich, but most times it's close enough. - Chuck Palahniuk
With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels. - Chuck Palahniuk
The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up. - Chuck Palahniuk
It's pathetic how we can't live with the things we don't understand. How we need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed. Even if it's for sure unexplainable. Even God. - Chuck Palahniuk
When nobody will look at you, you can stare a hole in them. Picking out all the little details you'd never stare long enough to get if she'd ever just return your gaze, this, this is your revenge. - Chuck Palahniuk
Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life. - Chuck Palahniuk
It's not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed. - Chuck Palahniuk
The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up. The shortcut to closing a door is to bury yourself in the details. This is how we must look to God. As if everything's just fine. - Chuck Palahniuk
We're living in a teetering tower of babble. A shaky reality of words. A DNA soup for disaster. The natural world destroyed, we're left with this cluttered world of language. - Chuck Palahniuk
... the first step to eternal live is you have to die. - Chuck Palahniuk
People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. - Chuck Palahniuk
No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide. - Chuck Palahniuk
Language, she said, was just our way to explain away the wonder and glory of the world. To deconstruct. To dismiss. She said people can't deal with how beautiful the world really is. How it can't be explained and understood. - Chuck Palahniuk
The idea that I can't share my problems with other people makes me not give a shit about their problems. - Chuck Palahniuk
Who you are moment to moment is just a story. - Chuck Palahniuk
Don't do what you want. Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most. - Chuck Palahniuk
Find out what you're afraid of and go live there. - Chuck Palahniuk
If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. - Chuck Palahniuk
When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves. - Chuck Palahniuk
It happens fast for some people and slow for some, accidents or gravity, but we all end up mutilated. - Chuck Palahniuk
The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person. - Chuck Palahniuk
On game shows, some people will take the trip to France, but most people will take the washer dryer pair. - Chuck Palahniuk
You think maybe if you just work harder and faster, you can hold off the chaos, but then one day you’re changing a patio light bulb with a five-year life span and you realize how you’ll only be changing this light maybe ten more times before you’ll be dead. - Chuck Palahniuk
You can't base your life on the past or the present. You have to tell me about your future. - Chuck Palahniuk
The truth is, every son raised by a single mom is pretty much born married. I don't know, but until your mom dies it seems like all the other women in your life can never be more than just your mistress. - Chuck Palahniuk
trichloroethane [...] All my extensive testing has shown this to be the best treatment for a dangerous excess of human knowledge - Chuck Palahniuk
The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend. - Chuck Palahniuk
You know how both life and porno movies end. The only difference is life starts with the orgasm. - Chuck Palahniuk
The most boring thing in the entire world is nudity. The second most boring thing is honesty. - Chuck Palahniuk
The best way to waste your life, is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don't participate. - Chuck Palahniuk
Someone bent on suicide won't have much sense of humor left. - Chuck Palahniuk
On a long enough timeline. The survival rate for everyone drops to zero. - Chuck Palahniuk
Masochism is a valuable job skill. - Chuck Palahniuk
Which is worse: Hell or nothing? - Chuck Palahniuk
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring. - Chuck Palahniuk
The first step - especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money - the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art. - Chuck Palahniuk
A minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection. - Chuck Palahniuk
Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life. - Chuck Palahniuk